Betul lah orang kata. Bila kita betul-betul happy, kita dah tak fikir pasal benda lain. Tak pandang kiri kanan, dah tak hirau benda tu betul mahupun salah. Kita alpa. Dalam kes aku, aku jadi selfish. Tak fikir perasaan orang lain. Fikir sedap sendiri. Dah banyak kali kena tegur, aku langsung tak ambil kisah. Aku teruskan berbohong. Berbohong pada semua orang. Berbohong pada diri sendiri. Aku fikir, ahh apa aku peduli? Yang penting aku happy. Sekarang aku sedar, apa aku buat sememangnya lah salah. Makin lama 'permainan' jadi makin serius. Aku dah tak terlarat nak menipu. Ini masanya untuk betulkan keadaan. Ini masanya untuk tamatkan 'permainan' bodoh.
I know. What I did was wrong. I'm not proud of the things I've done, and I can't change the past. I have been under pressure to emulate someone who is more happy than I am and I wasn't able to be happy with things working out lately. I was desperate and I tried so hard to be someone that I'm not. The only way to do that is to lie. I lied. I was lost, I dug a hole so deep and I didn't know how to stop.
Now is definitely the right time to work out what is important, what I wanted to change and what I'm not happy about. It's time to tell someone the truth. The most ugly truth. I'm not perfect. I'm very much a work in progress and I'm a total mess! But I'm trying, and I'm working on my faults. Besides, that is all you can do, work on them. Roy, thank you so very much for the feedback, positive response, timeless and endless support. Sure you must be bored with all this shit. :)
Awin my girl and AR, I beg not for a snack treat, but for something far sweeter and more satisfying. Your forgiveness.
